A Victory Story About Spider Fear II

(This is part II of the guest post sent to me by Christian C. - read part I here)

So I went on living in a world full of fear over some creatures that are barely the size of my thumb (except for those species that are particularly larger though). I was somehow living in an incarcerated existence; full and hesitation in every move. I couldn't act or move around the way normal people would do. I was too afraid that I might end up encountering a spider along the way in any of the moves that I make. Too afraid to go to places in the fear that a spider might just be lurking in the dark corners of that place, it was a bit milder of hell-like life, however, nevertheless it was still bad living that way. I felt that I really had to do something to change things the way they were. Spiders are small creatures and are even apparently harmless according to many researches and scientific ratifications and therefore I should feel the way I do about them. I felt that I have to conquer this fear for them and find a way to surface from the drowning feeling of being imprisoned by intimidation. I can't live the difficult life anymore. One day I went out to find a way on how to deal with this long running fear for the creatures. I went to a nearby therapist.

The therapist that I went to was recommended by a friend in the office. That friend somehow noticed me so inhibited by my disorder and I couldn't be as productive as I should be. So I went to the therapist upon my office mate's advice. I felt awkward at first, entering the office of the therapist as I don't know where to begin in telling my tale or probably I felt ashamed that time telling him about my fear. I felt that the fear I had was just nothing else but a joke that could be personally dealt with. But it wasn't long until that I recollected myself and accepted that I do need some help and it has got to be with therapist that I will find one soon enough. A good kind of help I thought, considering his professional statute. I had a feeling that I was in the right place. I just hoped that I wouldn't end up getting disappointed to find out that the entire thing was a total sham.

I told the therapist everything that I've been through. Starting from how it all started and the progressive manifestation that have eventually developed me into fearing spiders. I even went into the process of introspection and regression, in order to fully remember the precise details and to assess which incident or situation that triggered me into fearing the creatures. It lead me into telling the real score of that incident when I watched the movie and the spider that fell off on my face. It didn't take much for the therapist to know the real problem as to why I developed such fear. And then he prepared me to a series of therapy sessions.

He started by talking me right into resting on the couch and asked me to meditate on my fear. He told me to visualize on the idea of seeing a spider and imagining that there's one that's near me right now. He also talked me into thinking that there's actually one spider that's crawling in my skin at the moment and in the concurrently asked me questions about how I felt towards the scenario. I told him that I'm really panicking at the moment and any time then I would truly freak out and would probably walk out of the room because of the mind projection thing that's going on. I started to feel that I was in the wrong place and my spirit began to weaver as I thought that I would never really get through the entire process. I thought that I would just settle with having the fear for my entire life. I even thought that as long as it doesn't get me killed I will be just okay. But a part of me wanted to continue and push through the entire nightmare-ish process of projecting a spider walking and crawling into my skin.

Even the therapist forced me into visualizing the entire idea of a spider walking into my skin. Every time I feel like giving up, the therapist would always remind of the goal I set upon myself when I entered the room and impressed unto me the gravity of the situation that will be if I don't succeed in the therapy. It somehow got me into thinking and decided to pursue the entire program even if the fear that has beset me is already crucifying me. But I know I had to push true.

The entire meditation and concentration part of the program took me a while until I got around of the idea of a spider crawling in my skin. I could already visualize me being calm about the spider presence. But the program didn't stop there as there is still the last part of the program which involves a more physical and real approach. This time, the therapist took a transparent jar with a spider as large as my fist. I almost felt like freaking out at that time and I think I was just a brink away from scurrying out of the room straight through the door. But I knew I had already made a resolve, and if I do run away, it would have been all for nothing and I don't want to make my trip to the therapist pointless. So I sat and the therapist freed the tarantula on my arm. I could feel the furry pointy legs brush into my skin and I seriously feel like jumping out. But the therapist reminded me of the concentration and visualization I had earlier and asked me to recur the thoughts and the feelings I had when I accepted. And I got over the feeling of fear at that very moment.

Since then I stopped fearing spiders. I don't try to catch them though and put them into jars to get back on them. But I could very well do those things I used to be afraid to do before. I could go to anywhere now without having to fear anything at all. Thanks to that therapy.